The Adventures of The Melanie Gang
by teakinggreen
Summary: Taking place in the jojolion universe, a girl decides to join a group of mercenaries, but it's not exactly as she expected!
1. Prologue part 1

"So, this is the place?" said a very confused girl as she gazed upon the strange building, then back at the address written on the paper. She had recently joined a company that worked under a strange system. Groups would register with the company, and be given jobs to do based on their skills. This could be anything from hospital patients needing specialists to corporate sabotage. When an individual joined, they'd be put into one of the groups based on what they specialize in. It was almost like an adventurer's guild from her favorite manga

Considering she was joining a group that specialized in assassination and mercenary work, she had expected the hideout to look... cooler. Instead, before her stood what looked like an ordinary two family house. She knocked on the door, and saw the mail slot open.

She looked through, and saw a pair of amber brown eyes. A sinisterly British female voice that sounded like it was really enjoying itself then asked, "who ya gonna call?" the girl replied, "the Melanie gang!" as this was what she was told to reply with when that question was asked. The sound of the lock being undone was then heard, and then the door opened. In front of the girl stood someone who was dressed in a form fitting tuxedo and top hat with two large, wide pieces of cloth in the shape of an x on it. It was unclear at first glance gender the person was. "I'm going to say this before you ask, as I get this a lot. I'm a girl." Well, that answered that question. "You just going to stand there all day?" realizing she had been standing there for a solid five minutes, the girl entered.

"I'm sure you already know this, but you live here now" the tuxedoed one said. The girl, in very surprised tone, gasped. "Ugh, the organization got lax in their orientation again, didn't they. I'm guessing you didn't bring any clothes then?" the girl shook her head, and seeing how upset she looked, tuxedo changed the subject. "I never introduced myself, did I? The name's Mary Clubs!" tuxedo said. The girl replied, "My name is Marie Marcella Spartoi Jr."


	2. Prologue part 2

As they walked down the hall way towards the kitchen, Mary yelled, "Janey! Janey Hearts! Guess what I just brought in!" as they reached the kitchen, Marie saw possibly the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. The pretty girl said, "I'm guessing… fresh meat?" Now, she most definitely wasn't gay, but couldn't help staring at this girl. She had long, wavy hair dyed pink, and her skin was the color of coffee with milk. Not a single blemish could be seen, and God she was tall. She had to be at least 6 foot 2 inches tall. But the most significant and glaring thing about her was her… urm… chest. [Guess height isn't the only way she's big] Marie thought. The only fault she could find was that she wasn't sure whether her eyes were open or closed. "Where exactly are you staring?" Janey said playfully. Marie apologized, and then Mary decided to speak.

"Speaking of looks, we haven't exactly given Marie our traditional Melanie Gang checkup, have we?" Checkup? "No, I don't believe we have" Janey answered. The organization gave everyone a physical before adding you to a group, so Marie didn't understand. That's when Mary proceeded to run behind Marie and look her over, as if she were checking out a car before buying. "Let's see what we're working with here." She pulled up Marie's sleeves, and pant legs, "good muscles, not too bulky, but at the same time not too flabby. By the looks of you, you're a ginger, but is that your natural hair color?" Marie answered, "I- it is." Mary then continued her "checkup". She looked over Marie's face and belly, then said, "now for the best part." She then went back behind Marie and grabbed her rear end! Marie instantly pulled away. "w-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" She was so surprised a bit of her accent came out of her voice. The other two looked at her with utter surprise.

"You're… French?" Mary asked. "Well… on my mother's side. You should have figured it out though, considering my name." Mary then exclaimed, "Then you should have no problem with… THIS!" and then proceeded to grope Marie's chest. Marie let out a surprised squeak, but couldn't say anything, as every second this went on she got more and more flustered. Eventually, a *poof!* sound was heard, and where Marie once stood, there was a small plush doll dressed like her, with red string for hair and even marker dots for freckles.

Janey and Mary looked at each other, then back at the doll, and then proceeded to panic like the building was about to collapse on them. "AAAAAAAAAAH WHAT JUST HAPPENED WHY DID SHE TURN INTO A TOY WHAT DO WE DOOOOOOO" Mary shrieked. "I HAVE NO IDEA THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Janey screamed back. Then Janey had an idea. "M-maybe this is only temporary, l-let's put her somewhere safe for now." Mary grabbed the doll and ran to her room. It was probably the most nationalistic room anyone has ever seen. Almost everything was something made exclusively by or for brits. Union jack bed sheets, half-eaten Jaffa cakes on the night stand, the whole package. She then placed the toy on her bed gently, and went back to the kitchen.

30 minutes of anxious waiting later, a poof was heard again, and Mary and Janey checked to see if their hopes had been realized. Sure enough, Marie was there looking as confused as she'd ever been. "Why… did I wake up in London?" she asked. "This isn't London, dear" Janey said, "but the room does look that way". "Marie! What in the bloody FUCK was that?!" Mary shouted suddenly. "I was just trying to have some fun with you, and then you turn into a toy! Explain this, because we have no fucking idea!" Marie suddenly grew paler than she already was as she stammered, "I turned… into a toy? Oh god I'm so embarrassed." She then saw the expectant gazes of the other two, and gave her explanation. "it's a side effect of my power. When I was sent to this group, I was told you two had powers too, am I wrong?" Mary then looked at her confused. "Powers? Oh! You must mean our Stands!" Mary said with a sudden realization. "Yes, yes! Stands! That's what my dad said they're called! My whole family has them!" Marie exclaimed. Yes, stands. Most of you reading already know this, but stands are the physical manifestations of psychic powers. Every psychic in this universe has one, and they are called this because of their tendency to stand by their masters. "Well, back to my explanation. A side effect of my power is that whenever I'm asleep or unconscious, I turn into a random type of doll". Janey, having then pieced together the whole situation, asked for confirmation, "so, when Mary started fondling you, you got so embarrassed you passed out?" Marie nodded.

Mary burst out laughing, "Oh my god, that's hilarious! What are you, a virgin? At 23?!" Marie could only cover her face and blush, and then a thought came to her head. "Wait, how did you know my age?" she asked. "Guess I should tell you, huh? The organization sends a bio of the new member to the group before they send the actual person!" [Wait, so the entire time, Mary already knew all about me?], Marie thought. [So there was no need for that embarrassing "checkup"?!]. Shame and rage washed over Marie's mind. She was PISSED. "Dollhouse act 1" Marie said quietly, and then suddenly, a figure appeared next to her. It looked like a life size version of those tin soldiers you'd see in toy stores back in the late Victorian era. In its hands, it was holding one of those old school toy rifles that shot corks, except that too was the size of the real deal. "Since we're getting to 'know' each other, miss clubs" Marie said, "let me tell you my stand's power. I can turn anyone and anything I touch or shoot with this gun into a toy of my choice. I can even choose what you'll be able to do while you're a toy." As dollhouse took aim, Mary fell out of her chair and backed away slowly. She looked for Janey for help calming Marie down, but she was already gone. [Damn it Jane!] Mary thought. Several gunshots were then heard.

That night, back at the kitchen, everyone was having dinner. Well, all except one. In the middle of the table sat a furby wearing a top hat, gagged and tied up, gazing hungrily at the food. Marie had left Mary's ability to speak, see and move while she was stuck in that form, as according to Marie, "just having a lifeless toy sitting there would be no fun and an unfitting punishment for someone with such grabby hands." Jane then said, "by the way, the names we told you aren't our real names. When you're part of this group, you get a nickname based partly on your real name, and partly based on a card in a poker deck. It's to protect you and your family in case the families of anyone you take out try to get revenge." That's right. All the silly antics made Marie forget this was a group for assassins and mercenaries. "I've finally thought of your nickname too. Marie Marcella Spartoi, starting today, you will be known as Marcie Spades!" [Wow, that actually sounds pretty cute!] The newly dubbed Marcie thought. So officially began the adventures of the Melanie Gang.


	3. Chapter 1

Morning

6 am

Marcie spades woke up, as she usually did, following her internal biological clock, which was as precise as a German train schedule. She immediately noticed something off. This room was pink to the point that it was painful to look at, and it was full of plushies. Marcie didn't get her dad to deliver her priso-I mean dolls over to the Melanie house yet… had she? It was at that moment that Marie felt breathing directly behind her. She immediately tensed up. She called out dollhouse's firing arm, and then turned around slowly, ready to shoot whoever was there. She turned slowly, and as soon as she was fully turned the other way, she was met with a large surprise. A pair of large surprises, in fact, for what she was greeted with was two pink circles, attached to two larger, brown circles. It was then that she simultaneously figured out where she was, and started questioning what happened for her to end up here. This… was Janey's room.

Janey was, in fact, in the bed with Marcie. She was also still sleeping, and topless. Marcie immediately began to let her near uncontrollable imagination run wild as she questioned what series of events led to this. Instead of feinting this time, however, she managed to compose herself long enough to violently shake Janey until she woke up. "Janey," Marcie said. "Yea~?" Janey responded, only partially awake. "POURQUOI JE SUIS DANS VOTRE CHAMBRE?!"

(Later, in the living room…)

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mary blurted after hearing about what had just transpired. "Wow, Janey, you've done some right dumb shit before, but this? Hilarious!" As to what had transpired, let's go back about 7 minutes ago, back in Janey's room.

"E-Explain this! D- Did we…?!" Marcie stammered. Her face was going crimson. At this point, Janey was fully awake and able to explain. "It was nothing so lewd dear! Really, control your imagination, This is a T rated story!" Janey exclaimed. "w- wha?" Marcie stuttered. "Oh, nothing. Anyways, what had happened was that I had just woken up from a nightmare, and I couldn't seem to fall back asleep. I decided to check to see if anyone else was awake so I could talk." [okay… nothing really out of the ordinary there, but she doesn't strike me as the type to get nightmares] Marcie thought. Janey continued, "When I peeked into your room, I saw that you had taken the form of a teddy bear! It was so adorable I couldn't help myself, so I… uh, grabbed you and took you back to my room. Turns out, an adorable toy that gave off the presence of another actual person helped me right back to sleep" "Nom de Dieu!" was all Marcie could say in response. Then, the one thing that wasn't answered about this situation came to her. "if that's all that happened, then… why are you topless?" Janey then looked down, realizing she was still half naked. She immediately got up and walked her ever graceful walk over to her dresser drawer, in search of something that could give her some sense of decency. As she did this, she didn't seem to show any shame at all. She even stated, "I don't ever really sleep with clothes on. You're lucky I forgot to take off my underwear!" And so that was Janey's explanation for what happened.

Now back to the present. Mary had just finished catching her breath from all the laughing, and then presented interesting news. "Well, while you troaps were snugglin', I managed to snag an assignment from the organization!" Mary slammed a large orange envelope onto the table. Janey gasped, "Mary Clubs went and actually did something productive? Who are you and what have you done with my Mar Mar?" Mary blushed. She actually BLUSHED. "I can be productive to you know…" she said rather timidly, "but, moving on. I haven't opened the envelope yet; I wanted to wait for you guys. So let's… SEE!" Mary ripped open the package. As they looked at the information, they each had differing reactions. Mary was jumping for joy, Marcie was surprised, and Janey suddenly looked sick. It was an assassination job. In Brazil. For reference, the Melanie House is in Niagara Falls, Canada.

Marcie noticed Janey's look. "Are you the type to get squeamish at the thought of killing?" she asked her. "No, that's not it. This would make my 50th kill" Janey replied. "It's just that, our central bank account can't afford 3 plane tickets to Brazil, so we have to travel 'that way'" [what does she mean "that way"?] Marcie thought. It was then that Mary showed made herself known again. "It means that we have to travel MY way!" it was then that she took her hat, and threw it, open end up onto the ground. "'member how you said we all have stands?" Marcie nodded. "Well it's time I showed you mine! I assumed you've played super Mario brothers?" Marcie nodded again. "Well, my Stand turns my hat into a warp pipe! I call it, get ready for this… Mad Hatter!" Marcie put it all together. They were travelling by hat. "A…alright e-everyone" Janey said shakily, "line up in front of the ride single file…" Mary scrambled to be first in line, and then Marcie joined, then finally Janey. [I hate this] Janey thought. Marcie wondered how they were going to fit in the hat. At that moment Mary jumped in, and the hat expanded as she entered, like in one of those old cartoons. Marcie jumped in after her, and then Janey.

What was it like going into the hat? In a word, disorienting. Once the three entered, they were freefalling through a dimension that looked like the nightmare of someone high on every drug. Everything was every color, everyone else in there looked like a surrealist painting, and Marcie could swear she saw the ghost of a hamster in there. She felt like her stomach was in her eyes, but just as soon as they'd entered, they were out. They were on the roof of an apartment building. Both Marcie and Janey went to the edge and vomited for a solid thirty seconds without stopping. "Yeah, it figures that you couldn't handle it the first time. Janey couldn't either" Mary quipped. "But before I even got me powers, I had been to every club in Scotland, so this don't affect me. The perks of bein' a proper scot." Once the other two recovered, they looked in the direction of their objective. Through the window of the next building, they could see it: the head of a company that provided the soldiers the country used for border control. The hit was called on him because he allowed smugglers to get through in exchange for cash, and the client's father had recently died from addiction.

"So how are we going to do this?" Marcie asked. "This is your first time, so you should just sit back an' watch." Mary said condescendingly. "What? But I could totally snipe him from here! My specialty is firearms!" Marcie exclaimed. "Not true, it's very likely the glass is bulletproof, and the sound of a bullet bouncing off a window will definitely tip them off." Janey said using that ever so sweet voice. It was like a mother instructing her child. Marcie felt compelled to get off Mary's back just a little. "Okay, so we're going to have to infiltrate the building, and take out the target in a way that looks like a death by natural causes." She continued "Are we going to use the swig tactic?" Mary asked. "Yeah, let's go with that." Janey said. Mary pulled a camera out of her hat, and Janey called out a name, "Sippy cup". Next to her appeared what looked like Predator's skeleton wearing a nurse's scrub appeared next to her. It was missing parts. It had one horn, but looked like it was supposed to have two. It also only had one eye socket, and was missing an arm too, and the remaining hand had medical needles for fingers. Its scrub was covered in randomly placed medical cross symbols. It was terrifying. "And now we've all revealed our stands!" Janey chuckled. "This guy let's me turn any liquid into any other. Like water into wine". Marcie couldn't get over how freaky the thing looked.

"The swig, as we like to call it is basically this." Mary chimed in. "Ye see that bloke walkin' down the hall to the office with a cup o' gin in his hand?" Marcie nodded. "I'm gonna use Mad Hatter to port her hand in, and she'll turn it into a poison of a similar color. When the bastard drinks it, he goes splat!" Marcie completely understood, and then asked why she was there. "The organization needs proof that we got the job done right." Janey said. "And since you've got a good eye, you'll be usin' this here telescopic camera to get photo evidence! You get it? Good! Now let's- WHAT THE SHIT?" Mary suddenly exclaimed as she looked at the window again. Marcie and Janey went to see what was going on. Someone else wearing a hood had gotten into the building, and he was violently killing everyone in his path. He seemed to be pulling weapons from nowhere and then making them disappear again. He was headed towards the office. When he reached the office, he pulled off his hood, and Marcie immediately recognized him.

"We have to get in there," Marcie said. "What? Why? Who made you boss?" Mary objected. "That man is named Danny di Roma. He's psychopath and a terrorist! He has a personal beef with my family, and his lackeys have almost killed my brother and I on multiple occasions! He still has 4 years left in his 10 year sentence, what is he doing HERE?!" Marcie screamed. "Still waitin' on a legit reason to go in there." Mary said. Marcie thought for five seconds exactly, and then replied, "The organization knows our specialties. If the photos reveal a death differing from them, they'll know we didn't make the kill, and we don't get paid." That made Mary shut up for sure, and then she said, "Alright, get in. No one steals a paycheck from Mary Clubs!" they hopped in, going through the same psychedelic experience they did before, and appeared in the same office as their target. At the same time, Danny busted the door down. They just stared at each other.


	4. Chapter 2

"More guards, huh?" Danny grunted. He was visibly annoyed. "That's where you're wrong asshole!" Mary retorted, then continued, "You're about to take our kill!" Danny seemed to understand, but then said, "So you guys are going to kill this fucker for cash? Well, I don't like to stand between a girl and her goals, but the institution is giving me cash to torture then kill him." The whole time, the target was trembling behind his desk. He kept pressing the button for security to come and handle this, but no one came. Danny had killed them all. That's when Marcie, in her anger, had decided to do something rash. She called out dollhouse, and aimed her cork gun at Danny. "Wait, wait, and wait. Hold on… I remember you now. 6 years ago, right? Back when we were in high school right?" Danny said, in a rather cocky manner too. Instead of replying, Marcie fired. And she fired again, and again, and again. She was truly pissed. But rather than turn Danny into a tomodachi, the corks fell to the ground as… shotgun rounds?

That's when Marcie realized the mistake in what she did. Danny continued to recall where he knew her from, "yeah, that's right. You and your twin brother were the new kids in school. At around the same time, I had decided to use my powers to take over the school and lock up the teachers and staff. But you two stopped me. Had me sent to prison. Even made my subordinates betray me and join you guys."Mary and Janey were surprised to hear this, and realizing the seriousness of the grudge Danny must've had, they got I to position to defend Marcie. "No no no, you've gotta realize something now. Six years is a lot of time to think. I could never have escaped from that cell if all I thought about was revenge." Danny started. "Truth be told, I have been thinking about you guys a lot, but I've grown to respect you two" he continued, "but I've especially been thinking about you, red."

Marcie was confused. Respect? That made no sense. Most people would hate her at this point. And what did he mean he's been thinking about her specifically? She started to blush just a little bit, as this was one of those moments where her dirty imagination kicked in on its own. Mary and Janey relaxed their stances, and Janey then spoke. "What say we come to an agreement? You give us this kill, and we give you my cut of the check." Danny contemplated this. "Sorry toots, but I work to keep my spot at the dorm, and I'm not planning on being homeless anytime soon. How do I know you even get a big enough cut? You seem like one of those team leaders that acts like a mom, so you probably take less than everyone else." Janey flinched. He had her all figured out. "Oh well, guess it's no deal!" Mary shrieked, and then pulled a utility belt full of combat knives out of her hat. She rushed Danny, and remembering the most dangerous part about him, Marcie cried, "NO! DON'T!" just as soon as she said that, Mary was sent flying back. "MARY!" Janey cried. There was suddenly something behind him. It looked like a robot Italian Mafioso. Marcie gritted her teeth. "Guns…" Danny started, "…'N Roses". This was his stand

"Maintenant, je me souviens de tout ce trou du cul" Marcie said "he has the power to turn anything into a military grade weapon". Janey helped Mary to her feet. "Let me ease the pain some" she said. She called out Sippy Cup, and it stuck its needle fingers into Mary's neck slowly. "I'm turning a milliliter of your blood into a regional anesthetic. Sit still and let it course through you" she said, using a calming voice. Now it was just Marcie Spades and Danny di Roma. Dollhouse vs. Guns 'n Roses. Who would win?


	5. Chapter 3

Marcie and Danny were at a perfect standstill. Both had their stands out, both had firearms in their hands aimed at the other. They both wanted to know: who would act first? They both waited for a queue. Suddenly, Mary coughed up some blood, and they both acted. Marcie ducked behind the desk where her target was, all the while firing real and cork bullets at Danny. Danny rushed to the door he had knocked down and used it as a riot shield. Janey dragged Mary's unconscious body to the corner of the room opposite the firefight, to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. There was no way for innocent bystanders to get away, as mad hatter only worked when Mary told it to, Danny was blocking the doorway, and they were on the 50th floor of the building, so the window wasn't an option. The shootout raged on. The two gunfighters were both such good marksmen that almost every shot they made collided with the other's shot. Some fell to the ground as toys, while others flew off when they were deflected as bullets of a different kind. This was going nowhere. Plus, during the entire confrontation, Marcie noticed something was off. Whenever she popped her head up to fire, Danny would shoot, but never hit anything vital. He even used Guns 'N Roses to catch the bullets headed towards her teammates. What the hell was going on? Wasn't this Danny, the terror of Colony High School? Why was he being so… reluctant? Could he actually… care about her?

No

That couldn't be it

Even if it was…

…He couldn't be trusted.

[Get yourself together!] Marcie thought. [I didn't want to use this yet, since I can't completely control it, but it may be the only way to win!]. "This could be so much easier!" Danny shouted, "Just let me get this kill!" He was clearly agitated, but Marcie wasn't going to fail this! It was her first job! She had to prove herself! Plus if she failed, she was worried Mary wouldn't let her come when the team went out drinking anymore. She had to end this, NOW. "HEY DANNY!" she shouted. Danny peeked out from behind the door shield some. "EAT SHIT!" she finished. She then cried, "DOLLHOUSE! ACT TWO!" a menacing aura of darkness seemed to gush out of Marcie, and out of her came Dollhouse. But it was… different. Rather than a toy soldier, this one was dressed like a Victorian pirate captain. The head of it was detached and floating above the rest of the body. There was an x shaped scar where the right eye should be, and stitching running down the middle in a diagonal descent. Its smile took up the entire bottom forth of its face, and its skin was the color of obsidian. Rather than a cork rifle, it held two life sized toy versions of flintlock pistols. It looked at Marcie, then at Danny, and then at Mary and Janey. It acted like it was trying to understand the situation. "Dollhouse!" Marcie called out. The stand stood at attention. She pointed at Danny, and then said, "FIRE!" it complied, and fired both guns. Danny easily blocked both shots with the door. "Was that supposed to hit me? You weren't even trying were you? You must really like me, huh?" Danny mocked. "I wasn't aiming for you shitbag" Marcie responded.

It was at this point that Mary regained consciousness. Suddenly, the door Danny was holding began to shudder and shake on its own. Marcie had noticed Mary's waking up, and then commanded "Mary! Activate Mad Hatter! You and Janey get out of here! Otherwise, you'll die!" Mary was about to snap at Marcie for ordering a superior, but couldn't find the strength. Turns out losing some blood in exchange for some anesthetic makes you pretty woozy, no matter how much of an alcoholic you are. She activated the warp, and as Janey struggled to push Mary into the hat, the door began to change, and quickly. It became a teddy bear, but this was very different from her other power. The toy was the size of a real bear, and instead of looking cutesy, it looked like someone had made it haphazardly from the parts of other giant teddy bears. Its mouth was full of very real metal teeth. Marcie ducked for cover. Danny didn't see any threat in this, until the bear started to move on its own. It turned towards Danny, and he instinctively backed away from it. "What the hell is this?!" he cried. "Ever heard of a ZOMBIE TOY?! This thing is gonna attack any living thing and turn them into a zombie toy too! Even I can't control it!" Danny backed away further. "Unless you want to become part of the plushie undead, you better run!" the bear started to chase Danny. He tried shooting it. Several times. But the bear regenerated every time. Even headshots failed. In his fear, Danny ran down the hall, the doll chasing him at surprisingly quickly. He then jumped out of the window at the end of the hall. Marcie was surprised, but was even more so when she saw a helicopter rising from where Danny fell, with Danny in it. "You win this round red!" he called out playfully, "But we will play again sometime! I look forward to it!" Marcie breathed a sigh of relief. She turned and saw the company president, whom she had already forgotten about. Turns out he passed out from fear. She pulled out the camera and her gun. She fired at his head, and then took a photo of the corpse. The doll noticed her, and proceeded to rush her. She didn't move even while knowing this. Once the bear touched her, it fell to the ground, once again a metal door. "I don't use this often because I can't control who the toys attack, and touching me is the only cure to the virus." She thought aloud. She then realized that with Mary and Janey gone, she had no ride home. [C'est une telle douleur dans le cul…] she thought. She pulled out her phone and dialed a number. "Hey, Mom? I'm going to need a ride home. Where am I? Rio. Yes, Rio, Brazil. No, this isn't a prank! Just please get over here!" she hung up.

Back at the base, an anxious Janey was waiting for Marcie to get back. Her prayers were soon answered, as just outside the window, Marcie could be seen being dropped to the ground by… a harpy? Not sweating the details, Janey ran out to greet her. She didn't just hug Marcie reaching her, she glomped her. Now, since Janey was not only the tallest, but the bustiest team member, this meant some slight suffocation for Marcie. Once Janey let her go, Marcie asked, "Where's Mary?" "She's at the hospital right now. She broke three ribs you know." "Oh" Marcie said. She then turned around to the harpy. "Bye mom! Thanks for the ride! And sorry for making you fly out 5,000 miles" "Ce n'était pas du tout du tout!" her mom replied. Janey pulled her to the side and asked, "So your mom's a French redheaded bird lady? Because if so, I need to brush up on my mythology." Marcie giggled and replied, "nah, it's just her stand. Let's her turn into mythological creatures. I think it's called 'Mob masher' or something" Marie Sr., (Marcie's mom) having returned to human form, slapped Marcie in the back of the head. "OW! What was that for?!" she whined. "Le nom de mon pouvoir est 'Monster Mash'!" her mother replied with an equally whiny tone. "It was nice meeting you ma'am" Janey said politely. Recovering slightly from her daughter's inadvertent insult thanks to Janey's overall warm presence, Marie sr. said, "C'était sympa de vous rencontrer aussi. Au Revoir! " she then turned back to a harpy, and then flew off at the speed of a rollercoaster.

Two weeks later…

"Yahoo!" Mary shouted. Even though she wasn't fully healed, the doctors deemed her healthy enough to go for a round of drinks with her friends. And that's exactly how she spent about 80% of her cut of the pay from the organization. It was obvious what level drinker everyone was, as they had all had exactly ten pints of beer each, and while Mary was only buzzed, Janey was starting to feel very drunk, and in place of Marcie, there was a Barbie doll next to Mary. "To Marcie Spades! The most badass gunfighter we've ever had in the Melanie Gang!" Mary shouted. She was about to order another round, but then was smushed. Janey gets huggy when she's under the influence, and so she passed out holding her teammates. That night, the three of them slept at their table.

ASSIGNMENT 1: END


	6. Chapter 4

Assignment 2: sleepwalker

That night at the bar, Marcie had one of her reoccurring dreams. In it, both forms of her stand Dollhouse were married to each other, and she was a therapist named Dr. Spartoi seeing them for couple's therapy. They were all sitting on beanbag chairs, with Marcie sitting next to the door, and the stands sitting opposite the door. "So, let's start with act 1, what seems to be bothering you about act 2's behavior?" Marcie began. "Well," said act 1 in the voice of a very kind but upset old man, "my main concern is that act 2 doesn't seem to listen to any advice I give. Whenever we're planning to do something, they would always suggest something far too dangerous, but if I decline, they'll go off and do it by themselves! I'm just worried for his safety, but he won't heed my warnings!" Dr. Spartoi wrote down a summary of this explanation in her notepad. She then asked the same question she asked act 1 to act 2. They responded in the voice of a retired Scottish sailor, "me main problem with me mate is that they're too boring! I suggest a harmless day trip to Six Flags, and they start quakin' in their boots! I need a little risk in me life, just a bit! But no! The most risky thing Act 1 has ever done was decide to use ketchup on their fries! It's aggravating, am I'm beginning to lose my mind from the overdose of peace and quiet!" Dr. Spartoi was taking notes the entire time, until she got a message over the intercom. "Dr. Spartoi? Your 11:30 is here" it said. Well this was new. Normally, the two in front of her were her only patients. When did she get others? "Uh… hold on a second, I'm almost done" she replied. Dr. Spartoi then turned to the couple in front of her and stated, "Here's my diagnosis. Meet in the middle. Act 1, risk is not only an unavoidable part of life, it's mandatory for growth as a person" act 2 seemed to smile wide. "However," she continued, "too much risk is bad for your health, and refusing to listen is bad for your relationship. Always take into consideration those who care about you and how they feel, then make your decisions." She finished. Act 2's smile lessened a bit. "I prescribe a weeklong stay at universal studios resort, but only ride the children's rides. It's best to start off slow." She handed them some tickets that she had ready, and sent them off. "Send in my next patient." She spoke into the intercom. It was time to find out who this mystery patient was.

Exactly 2 minutes later, the mystery person walked into Dr. Spartoi's office. It was a girl. She was wearing some sort of strange tribal mask. Other than that, she wore only jean overalls and a pair of red sneakers. Her presence was… off-putting. "Well then," Spartoi started, "please take a seat. The girl sat on one of the beanbag chairs. "I don't believe we've met before, my name is Marie Marcella Spartoi. Please call me Dr. Spartoi, Doctor S, or simply doc" she stated. "Ok then" the girl said, "My name is Joanna Somni." The good doctor proceeded to ask, "Well, what do you think is the reason you're here today?" Joanna answered, "well, lately, I've been feeling very stressed, and I'm pretty sure the reason is the pressure I get from my parents to get good grades. It's lead to some… adverse effects." Well, well, well, an especially interesting case. "Well, what type of strange effects?" the doctor asked. "Since about last month, I've developed the skill to leave my dreams when I sleep, and enter the dreams of others" Joanna responded. "Is that a metaphor for something?" Spartoi asked. "No. it's very much the truth. As a matter of fact, this office is all part of a dream". "I see…" the doctor said. This was, in fact a dream. However, this wasn't a lucid dream, so the doctor wasn't aware of the fact. In fact, she didn't believe it. She wrote into her notepad, {patient appears to have blurred the lines between fantasy and reality as a form of mental defense. Primary course of action: play along}. "So, how does this power tie into your stress?" Spartoi asked. "Though I'm ashamed to say it," Joanna started, "I've been taking out all of my anger and stress in other people's dreams. Wreaking havoc, doing things I'd never do in real life, and just waving it off with the reasoning that 'it's just a dream'. I just came to this specific dream to use it as a sort of… confession booth." The doctor was feverishly trying to get this all down. Then, she asked a question to see how bad the situation was, "if what you say is true, then what would you say is the worst act you've done in someone else's dream?" the patient responded, "funny enough, my worst act happens to be my most frequent in dream act. It's…." she paused, unsure if this was a good idea to mention, but then gathered herself together, and stated, "It was… pyromania. I would burn entire cities to the ground before waking up."

Oh. Oh dear. This case was far more troubling then she thought. This person could have caused serious damage in the past. Spartoi doubted entire cities went up in flame, but she probably hurt people. It was time to shift gears, leave this girl's "dream world" and talk in the real one. "I would like to meet you in real life, so we can really meet. Your case is… interesting. Meet me at this address when you wake up" she stated as she wrote it on her notepad. Unbeknownst to the good doctor, she had written the address to the Melanie House. She handed the paper to Joanna. "Hey, I actually live pretty close to here. I'll do it! This'll be fun! Bye!" as she uttered the last word, she slowly faded out of existence. The doctor was shocked, flabbergasted even. But then she smelled smoke. She followed the smell, and opened her office door. The entire hallway was on fire. "HOLY SHI-"

Then Marcie spades woke up. She had no idea what to make of what had just happened. She looked around. To her left she saw Janey, still asleep, holding a half asleep Mary in her arms like a teddy bear. It was in such a way that the poor scot was being crushed between Janey's bosom and the table. She was repeatedly mouthing "help me" to anyone who could see her. Marcie shook her head. She uttered a prayer in French for god to grant her the patience she needed. She could tell it would be a long day.

" _Ici, je suis confronté à un nouveau jour. Je sais que sans céder à votre calme et votre contentement, je succomberai à la frustration et à l'irritation. Je demande votre aide aujourd'hui."_


End file.
